a new little lady

we are preparing for a new little lady around here. we thought she was coming this weekend as we spent 5 hours in the hospital going through the early stages of contractions -- and by that i mean somewhat painful -- but not anything like what is about to come. i didn't dilate past a 2 on my own and since she was only 38 weeks, they weren't going to intervene and put her under distress. they gave me a pain & sleeping med and sent me home to sleep through the contractions. since then they come and go -- sometimes they are painful and only minutes apart...sometimes i go hours without any. we have accepted that no matter how much she tries to trick us, she will come when she is ready.

amidst all the"is she coming? is she not coming?" we have been living in a state of chaos around here -- remodeling, deconstruction of old, new construction, tools in every room on every table, nails everywhere we step, construction workers here at 7:30am every morning. the mess that is our home combined with my maternal but ridiculous need to nest do not mix well. most of the time i am thankful we are able to remodel. sometimes i cry. sometimes i just ignore it and refuse to clean. either way, we have spent the past few days frantically trying to prepare brody's room & vivi's room the best we can before she arrives -- if you visit, however, don't mind the king size mattress on the nursery floor -- james & i have no where else to sleep for a few more weeks, deep sigh.

i wish i could show you pics of a finished nursery with a newborn sleeping in it...instead you get a teaser of my favorite things.

big brother tested out her crib for us. it worked perfectly until around 3am. seems about right.

i got this vintage frame down at west bottoms in kc for $3. repainted it with annie sloan paint then scuffed it up a bit. the cute fabric is leftover from her quilt.

i don't really know what he is. i think a teether? either way, he's sweet.

this frame is also from west bottoms. i painted with annie sloan chalk paint then waxed it. the print was the first thing we bought when we decided on her name.

vivi is named after my beautiful sister that was killed in a car accident -- karen eileen. karen just knew she would grow up to be a horse...i am not sure if that is possible but if it is, i hope vivi will grow up and do it for her.

my sweet friend stalked the colors of the nursery and picked out the fabric & stitching for this little elephant. he was made with love just for vivi and i couldn't love him more.

every baby girl needs some vintage friends.

this quilt is my very favorite thing. it took the girl about 2 months to make it but she let me pick out each piece of fabric myself so i couldn't complain...and thankfully the quilt arrived before the baby.

all set for her first trip to utah.

this giraffe just makes me laugh.

we started looking for a dresser this summer. we finally settled on an old vintage one at restoration emporium in west bottoms. thankfully i love it because my husband said we weren't leaving the store until i found one.

i didn't want her room to be pink but big brother did. pink it is.

another vintage frame. and more leftover fabric from her quilt.

hopefully soon i can update this blog with pictures of our little lady. and a complete nursery. and a family of four with no construction workers in the background.

...so many reasons to love him

brody beamed with pride the whole time...

i neglect my poor little blog from time to time. a couple of different reasons, i suppose. but here goes some updated ramblings...

as we were sitting in our car last night waiting on our post-baseball game ice cream from sonic, james & i were talking about how annoying facebook has become. he then tells me that he has hidden all the crazy people (which, sadly, is more than 1/2 of them). an unconcerned brody instructed me to cover my ears and for james to whisper in his ear where he hid all the people. instead of explaining to brody something that he would never understand at this young age, he opted to tell him that he hid all the people in a cave in the mountains. (what??) now i am a little concerned that brody thought this was awesome...as if it is normal for his step-dad to hide people in mountain caves. but instead of worrying about my criminal family, i am instead loving that brody protected my innocent ears from their crimes.

this was our 2nd week of baseball and not only does our lil guy love it but he's awesome. "this is my most favorite thing mom, my most favorite'ist in the world". watching you whack that ball is my most favorite thing in the world too, little buddy.

i should probably update you that we are having an itty bitty baby girl. brody prayed really hard for a sister that is 1/2 raccoon and 1/2 alien baby with three eyeballs...the sonogram lady, however, confirmed that she is indeed human. this was a relief to me as i was imagining that delivering a raccoon/alien baby might be more difficult than a human baby.

so a little girl was a shock to me. i am very nervous to be a momma to a girl because let's face it, you can really mess that up. while being confident, strong, smart, passionate, athletic and funny come very naturally to my boy...i anticipate having to teach these things to my little girl. how do you teach a little girl to have dignity? to have self worth? to really know who SHE is without the need for someone else to fulfill that for her? the value of an education? the importance of her independence? that although there is no doubt she will be beautiful that her intelligence is more powerful? at the age of 5, brody already knows these things...but will my girl? i hate the color pink. it's true. but that isn't why i didn't want a girl. the truth is i am scared that i won't know how to teach her these things.

this story was on the news last week. afterwards, i saw a post on facebook from a girl that lives in kc in complete shock that this would happen in her city. um, really? this happens every single day in our city. at operation breakthrough alone, they serve over 500 kids that live below poverty guidelines. 25% of these kids are homeless. 25% of them are in foster care. the other 50% are being raised by single moms that cannot escape the poverty they were born into. many of these kids come to school hungry and in filthy clothes. some of them  have visible marks of abuse and almost all of them have invisible marks of abuse. the waiting list has hundreds more kids on it, kids that will never get in and will instead continue the cycle of poverty and abuse. furthermore, did you know that "your perfect city" is one of the top cities in this country for child sex-slave trafficking? right here. in your city. still shocked?

step out of your happy bubble. God put you in this world to experience it, to help those that cannot help themselves, to open your eyes, to build your character. the world is not about being comfortable. spending hours and hours in the same church listening to the same message from the same pastors. it's about getting uncomfortable. stretching. changing. growing.

...bc while you were enjoying your comforts, a helpless 10 year old girl was locked in a closet in your city.

and i am happy to help you get uncomfortable, you can go...here, here, or here...or check with your church to see where they donate their time and money. and if they don't...um, you might question that.

so as i was saying earlier, facebook is driving me insane. like james, i have chosen to hide many people...the legal way, not in the mountain caves. as i stumble my way into Christianity with the help from my husband, my friends jodi & kim, our new church and my 5 year old Jesus lovin' boy...i am also finding that i have to protect my heart. i read things all the time that disagree with my own common sense and they were starting to make me question if Christianity is really a good fit for me. and while everyone has a reason why they post their religious beliefs and/or judgment out in the open for the world to see - for the unchurched, like myself, it makes us stumble back. so this is weighing heavy on my heart right now and my sweet husband is helping me work through it.

mom, my teachers said it's ok if if love dad & james more than you. and also God and Jesus.

ok, buddy. so i'm like 5th?

no actually you are like 10th bc i love josh & blake more too.

oh wow. ok.

and also evan. and grant. and hayden. and my soccer team but minus the girl.

alrighty then.

oh to see the world through his eyes...

mom, did you know poop is just leftover food that your body doesn't want? when my butt hurts that is how i know i am getting ready to poop a chicken out.

i think God made us out of play-dough. i am confused though because i've been trying to break myself and i won't break. so maybe i am made out of moon dough. it's harder than play-dough.

also, can i have a golden tooth? please? a golden one.

dear 5 year old kaylen,

some day all the pieces will come together. you will have a perfect five year old boy that makes you laugh, makes you anxiously await his silly imaginative stories, makes you cry because you love him so much, makes you scared because you can't imagine what life would be like if he ever got hurt and turns you into the person you were meant to be, a mom.

you will be happily married. to a man that loves your son just as much as you do. when you are up late at night stressing about getting everything finished, he will help you. when you are juggling a stressful job, day care drop off and pick up, cooking dinner, doing laundry, giving baths, reading books and cleaning the house, he will stop what he is doing to say "what can I help you with?". he will respect you. love you. listen to you. cry with you. laugh with you. you will be in your 30's before you meet him. but don't change anything, ok? because everything you will learn leading up to him is what will make him so worth it.

you know that boy that lives out on the country road in a run-down house? the one that never has clean clothes, a coat or lunch money? don't let other kids tease him. say hi to him every single day. you are going to grow up and find out that his parents beat him, he's hungry and he has no friends. you have a loud enough voice to protect him. have the courage to.

in high-school, you will mistake boredom for inability. you will have a couple of great teachers but mostly not-so-great teachers. this will hurt you for many years but know you are very bright. don't let small-town teachers treat you otherwise. in college, you will prove to be a great student and go on to finish your master's degree with straight A's.

you will meet your life long friends in college. spend every second you can with them. these four years will never happen again. you will watch each other get married. have babies. hold each other up through divorces, financial struggles, sick babies, miscarriages, deaths. they will be there. every single time you need them.

in junior high, you will get into SO much trouble for sneaking out of a sleep over, driving a 4-wheeler down a gravel road to sneak into an all-boy-bon-fire-party. just go ahead and do it. you might think your world is over when your mom picks you up at midnight and doesn't speak to you all the way home...but the truth is that she thought it was funny.

you are going to be an awesome basketball player. your coach is going to really hurt you though and stubborn you will make him pay by quitting. don't. he didn't mean to hurt you. he's human. he made a mistake. forgive him instead.

your sister is going to be killed by a drunk driver. there isn't anything that you can do to change this but you can love her with all that you have until then. afterwards, you will carry a heavy & broken heart for many years. in your 30's you will finally have the clarity & maturity you need to grieve for her, honor her and love her.

don't give your mom a hard time. you think that she should be perfect but the truth is that she is a single mom of four children. she doesn't have time to be perfect. and let's be honest, you are a handful.

you know that teacher that opens all of the windows in the middle of the winter? she's stupid.

you have an amazing childhood. your only job right now is to be a kid. play basketball with the minor twins for hours at a time. climb on the roof of jennifer's house and giggle until your tummy hurts as her mom screams at you to climb back down. spend the night at april's house as many nights as possible. play kick-the-can with the neighborhood crowd until your parents force you home. build as many forts as possible on mr. pee wee's property -- even though you think he is going to shoot you, he doesn't really have a gun.

kristen is going to hate you for wearing her clothes all of the time and for never cleaning the bedroom you share. it's ok. the truth is she likes cleaning so she might as well do it. and her clothes? well, eventually she gets over it. when you are 15 you will visit her at mizzou and she will lose you. twice. no worries though, she finds you the next day. both times. the two of you will become so close that you can hardly separate yourselves from one another. she will become your best friend. the person you will share thousands of memories with. the person that listens. the person that is there. always.

you will fight christianity for a very long time. it's ok to not blindly believe. it's ok to push back. to ask questions. eventually though, your husband will be the one person that will help you understand. just wait for him.

read. all the time.

wear crooked pig tails.

always ask questions.

fight your mom on bedtime.
never trust anyone or anything unless it agrees with your own common sense.

most importantly, be a kid. you have a happy, wonderful life ahead of you.

(inspiration from my favorite blog - http://www.thewiegands.com/ )