dear 5 year old kaylen,
some day all the pieces will come together. you will have a perfect five year old boy that makes you laugh, makes you anxiously await his silly imaginative stories, makes you cry because you love him so much, makes you scared because you can't imagine what life would be like if he ever got hurt and turns you into the person you were meant to be, a mom.
you will be happily married. to a man that loves your son just as much as you do. when you are up late at night stressing about getting everything finished, he will help you. when you are juggling a stressful job, day care drop off and pick up, cooking dinner, doing laundry, giving baths, reading books and cleaning the house, he will stop what he is doing to say "what can I help you with?". he will respect you. love you. listen to you. cry with you. laugh with you. you will be in your 30's before you meet him. but don't change anything, ok? because everything you will learn leading up to him is what will make him so worth it.
you know that boy that lives out on the country road in a run-down house? the one that never has clean clothes, a coat or lunch money? don't let other kids tease him. say hi to him every single day. you are going to grow up and find out that his parents beat him, he's hungry and he has no friends. you have a loud enough voice to protect him. have the courage to.
in high-school, you will mistake boredom for inability. you will have a couple of great teachers but mostly not-so-great teachers. this will hurt you for many years but know you are very bright. don't let small-town teachers treat you otherwise. in college, you will prove to be a great student and go on to finish your master's degree with straight A's.
you will meet your life long friends in college. spend every second you can with them. these four years will never happen again. you will watch each other get married. have babies. hold each other up through divorces, financial struggles, sick babies, miscarriages, deaths. they will be there. every single time you need them.
in junior high, you will get into SO much trouble for sneaking out of a sleep over, driving a 4-wheeler down a gravel road to sneak into an all-boy-bon-fire-party. just go ahead and do it. you might think your world is over when your mom picks you up at midnight and doesn't speak to you all the way home...but the truth is that she thought it was funny.
you are going to be an awesome basketball player. your coach is going to really hurt you though and stubborn you will make him pay by quitting. don't. he didn't mean to hurt you. he's human. he made a mistake. forgive him instead.
your sister is going to be killed by a drunk driver. there isn't anything that you can do to change this but you can love her with all that you have until then. afterwards, you will carry a heavy & broken heart for many years. in your 30's you will finally have the clarity & maturity you need to grieve for her, honor her and love her.
don't give your mom a hard time. you think that she should be perfect but the truth is that she is a single mom of four children. she doesn't have time to be perfect. and let's be honest, you are a handful.
you know that teacher that opens all of the windows in the middle of the winter? she's stupid.
you have an amazing childhood. your only job right now is to be a kid. play basketball with the minor twins for hours at a time. climb on the roof of jennifer's house and giggle until your tummy hurts as her mom screams at you to climb back down. spend the night at april's house as many nights as possible. play kick-the-can with the neighborhood crowd until your parents force you home. build as many forts as possible on mr. pee wee's property -- even though you think he is going to shoot you, he doesn't really have a gun.
kristen is going to hate you for wearing her clothes all of the time and for never cleaning the bedroom you share. it's ok. the truth is she likes cleaning so she might as well do it. and her clothes? well, eventually she gets over it. when you are 15 you will visit her at mizzou and she will lose you. twice. no worries though, she finds you the next day. both times. the two of you will become so close that you can hardly separate yourselves from one another. she will become your best friend. the person you will share thousands of memories with. the person that listens. the person that is there. always.
you will fight christianity for a very long time. it's ok to not blindly believe. it's ok to push back. to ask questions. eventually though, your husband will be the one person that will help you understand. just wait for him.
read. all the time.
wear crooked pig tails.
always ask questions.
fight your mom on bedtime.
never trust anyone or anything unless it agrees with your own common sense.
most importantly, be a kid. you have a happy, wonderful life ahead of you.
