mom, my teachers said it's ok if if love dad & james more than you. and also God and Jesus.

ok, buddy. so i'm like 5th?

no actually you are like 10th bc i love josh & blake more too.

oh wow. ok.

and also evan. and grant. and hayden. and my soccer team but minus the girl.

alrighty then.

oh to see the world through his eyes...

mom, did you know poop is just leftover food that your body doesn't want? when my butt hurts that is how i know i am getting ready to poop a chicken out.

i think God made us out of play-dough. i am confused though because i've been trying to break myself and i won't break. so maybe i am made out of moon dough. it's harder than play-dough.

also, can i have a golden tooth? please? a golden one.

dear 5 year old kaylen,

some day all the pieces will come together. you will have a perfect five year old boy that makes you laugh, makes you anxiously await his silly imaginative stories, makes you cry because you love him so much, makes you scared because you can't imagine what life would be like if he ever got hurt and turns you into the person you were meant to be, a mom.

you will be happily married. to a man that loves your son just as much as you do. when you are up late at night stressing about getting everything finished, he will help you. when you are juggling a stressful job, day care drop off and pick up, cooking dinner, doing laundry, giving baths, reading books and cleaning the house, he will stop what he is doing to say "what can I help you with?". he will respect you. love you. listen to you. cry with you. laugh with you. you will be in your 30's before you meet him. but don't change anything, ok? because everything you will learn leading up to him is what will make him so worth it.

you know that boy that lives out on the country road in a run-down house? the one that never has clean clothes, a coat or lunch money? don't let other kids tease him. say hi to him every single day. you are going to grow up and find out that his parents beat him, he's hungry and he has no friends. you have a loud enough voice to protect him. have the courage to.

in high-school, you will mistake boredom for inability. you will have a couple of great teachers but mostly not-so-great teachers. this will hurt you for many years but know you are very bright. don't let small-town teachers treat you otherwise. in college, you will prove to be a great student and go on to finish your master's degree with straight A's.

you will meet your life long friends in college. spend every second you can with them. these four years will never happen again. you will watch each other get married. have babies. hold each other up through divorces, financial struggles, sick babies, miscarriages, deaths. they will be there. every single time you need them.

in junior high, you will get into SO much trouble for sneaking out of a sleep over, driving a 4-wheeler down a gravel road to sneak into an all-boy-bon-fire-party. just go ahead and do it. you might think your world is over when your mom picks you up at midnight and doesn't speak to you all the way home...but the truth is that she thought it was funny.

you are going to be an awesome basketball player. your coach is going to really hurt you though and stubborn you will make him pay by quitting. don't. he didn't mean to hurt you. he's human. he made a mistake. forgive him instead.

your sister is going to be killed by a drunk driver. there isn't anything that you can do to change this but you can love her with all that you have until then. afterwards, you will carry a heavy & broken heart for many years. in your 30's you will finally have the clarity & maturity you need to grieve for her, honor her and love her.

don't give your mom a hard time. you think that she should be perfect but the truth is that she is a single mom of four children. she doesn't have time to be perfect. and let's be honest, you are a handful.

you know that teacher that opens all of the windows in the middle of the winter? she's stupid.

you have an amazing childhood. your only job right now is to be a kid. play basketball with the minor twins for hours at a time. climb on the roof of jennifer's house and giggle until your tummy hurts as her mom screams at you to climb back down. spend the night at april's house as many nights as possible. play kick-the-can with the neighborhood crowd until your parents force you home. build as many forts as possible on mr. pee wee's property -- even though you think he is going to shoot you, he doesn't really have a gun.

kristen is going to hate you for wearing her clothes all of the time and for never cleaning the bedroom you share. it's ok. the truth is she likes cleaning so she might as well do it. and her clothes? well, eventually she gets over it. when you are 15 you will visit her at mizzou and she will lose you. twice. no worries though, she finds you the next day. both times. the two of you will become so close that you can hardly separate yourselves from one another. she will become your best friend. the person you will share thousands of memories with. the person that listens. the person that is there. always.

you will fight christianity for a very long time. it's ok to not blindly believe. it's ok to push back. to ask questions. eventually though, your husband will be the one person that will help you understand. just wait for him.

read. all the time.

wear crooked pig tails.

always ask questions.

fight your mom on bedtime.
never trust anyone or anything unless it agrees with your own common sense.

most importantly, be a kid. you have a happy, wonderful life ahead of you.

(inspiration from my favorite blog - http://www.thewiegands.com/ )

so santa came...

but more importantly, so did anthropologie..


"mom, i had james when i was three, four and five. i'm gonna keep him forever. don't ever sell him, ok?"

i won't sell him. but i will indeed sell you if you keep acting up.

"mom, i think this chex mix is making me grow...?"

...as he stares at his arms in disbelief.

"i love cocoa puffs. i eat them at my mom's sister's house"

you mean aunt kristen?

"ya, her. the one that has my dogs and my sisters."

"when i get older, i want to change my name to josh."

so you can have all his legos?

"yes"

well before you make it legal, maybe just try asking him for some of the legos.

 

i pat-pat brody's little bum to wake him up this morning. then i walk away to get dressed while he has time to process that i just woke him (& james) up. i turn around and see him and james sit up at the same time. both with frazzled expressions and messy hair.

neither of them realizing that i am watching.

brody stares at james. james stares at brody. neither of them say a word. brody touches james beard. james touches brody's chin. brody turns his head sideways. james turns his head sideways. brody rubs his eyes. james rubs his eyes. james falls back over in exhaustion. brody falls back over on top of him.

finally they both get up but only after a few minutes worth of what seemed to be their own secret silent language.

james asked for one of dave ramsey's new books for christmas. he isn't getting it. i have a feeling that anything that dave ramsey writes would somehow negatively impact me.



my sister thinks the world is going to end next december. she has been watching too much history channel.

in the meantime, brody continues to love Jesus. he genuinely believes in him with a pure innocence that only a child can have. he uses it against us though...."mom, i can't wear this because i don't wear handsome clothes to church, God knows this and that is why he loves me so much". try to argue with that.

for the first time in my life, i have been praying too. i'm awkward at it. i just don't know how to pray. i hear people say things like "pray for me, i have a cold"...but that doesn't seem prayer worthy. and really? pretty sure having a cold is just part of life...do you really need a prayer to get over it? i mean, just take some nyquil.

so i have been trying to pray for things that seem worthy of prayer and seemingly it is either working or it is at least bringing me peace...which maybe is what prayer really is...a sense of peace, of comfort, of knowing something bigger than you will take care of something you are unequipped to take care of on your own? this morning i prayed and asked him to help me not punch my ex-husband in the face. by the time i got to work, he had sent an email that calmed me back down. the ex-husband sent the email. not God. God doesn't email. although wouldn't that be helpful? but moving on, i didn't punch him in the face. another answered prayer.

we decided we would cut down a real christmas tree this year. so we headed out to the tree farm.

brody was going to get to them via boat. i realize that would have made for a more memorable trip but there were no boats to be found.



he collected a pocket full of pinecones along the way. this little one was for me. "look mommy, it's an itty bitty baby pinecone for you...it's your wedding gift", said with this riduclously cute face.

an old, creaky bridge. little boy heaven.

sometimes his hugs are caught on camera.

"james, let me get on your shoulders to measure this one"

yep, it's two heads tall. let's chop it down.

and now he knows how to use a saw. oh dear lord.

this proud face is saying "i picked it out. i chopped it down. and i pushed it over."

on our way back home with a beautiful tree and a very tired boy with mismatched boots.

ps - I'm linking up over here, one of my favorite blogs. you can also get there on my side bar.

i've been at hy-vee for like 2 weeks. i hate grocery shopping. i mean. i really hate it. i like to cook but i want the ingredients to magically appear in front of me as i am cooking. i don't even like to look through the spice cabinet. instead, i yell for james. for real. i am that much of a brat.

anyhoo, i've been needing to make so many trips lately. i've been trying to sneak around the thanksgiving crowds by going at odd times. i've learned, however, there are no odd times at thanksgiving. and the odd times that aren't really that odd are the elderly plus me. bc they hang out there. and seemingly, so do i.

last week i helped one man find the leaf bags. we went all over that store trying to find them. he was so thankful. i have to wonder though as i watched him struggle around the store...how he was actually going to rake his yard? i almost offered my husband to him. not me, of course. remember? i don't even like to grocery shop. add to that, i don't like to rake leaves.

on a different trip, i found another lost one trying to locate grands buttermilk biscuits. after we found them, she giggled and blessed my heart. then asked a tall man to reach them for her. wha? i could've reached them.

yesterday, i made two new friends. one was in the refrigerated juice section looking for V8 so i walked him to aisle 11 to show him the 4' section of tomato juice.

the other was standing behind my overflowing cart of thanksgiving preparations with his bananas and strawberry shortcake. i couldn't let him wait on me but he insisted. his reasoning was "i have no where to go anyway and a whole day to waste". (my heart shattered). during the 10'ish minutes it took for them to scan and for me to pay, i found out that he is a widow, he has many grand kids, even great and great-great grand kids and he wasn't sure where he was spending thanksgiving (heart still shattering)...as i was on the verge of inviting him to ours, he said his great grandson had finally invited him the day before. so as he had started opening up, he then started flirting with my checker, rose. and rose blushed and flirted back. my heart started to mend for him bc now i just know they are getting married and he will always have someplace to go.

so i have fulfilled my volunteer work at hy-vee this week.

next time you see an elderly person with their head down, look them in the eyes and say hello. they are full of life & stories once you get them talking. and sadly, many of them are lonely. lonely by circumstance. not by choice. just step outside of your own world for 5 minutes and step inside someone else's. if you are as lucky as me, one of them will bless your heart.

dear santa, 

(wait, mom, say saint nick instead)

dear saint nick,

my name is brody. i am 5. i have not ever been bad. i never did stuff bad. i eat a good lunch at school.

can i have all the boxes of spongebob legos? can i please, saint nick? please can i have the whole spongebob town? the whole entire town?

i am a santa to a little boy. i sent him some toys because he does not have toys or good food to eat.

my cat is feisty. please can you bring my brother cat seven toys?

love,

brody benjamin

"mom say...

you missed me, you missed me, now you gotta kiss....

ummm. wait. don't say you gotta kiss me. say you gotta wrestle me. bc i don't know how to kiss"

brody is off to nebraska with his dad next weekend so this weekend we took a break from life and just had fun with each other. he has never been on a trip without me before...so next weekend, you can find me in a ditch crying.

we've spent so much time house hunting lately... for a newer, bigger home that we seemingly will never find. so we are on a break from the stress. and i am learning to be content in our little two bedroom home with no office for james. no office for james means the entire house is his office. the desk in the living room. the side tables. the coffee tables. the floor. the dining room table. everywhere. his explanation is "babe! i am trying to run a business out of this house". so we are trying to be content in our little two bedroom office home bc there is nothing but love here. and paperclips.

so moving on, this moose was really hungry. bro bro can tell you the names of any insects...but clearly we need to work on our warm-blooded mammals.

this pumpkin patch princess chased brody down to give him hugs & kisses. he tried to duck & run but she caught him. i think james was hoping for a kiss too bc he didn't run.

so the pumpkin princess was super sweet...

but...

my dear brody - if you ever bring a girl home that looks like this, it will not end well for you. your momma is nice but she's really judgmental. ok?

we waited in the face painting line for over an hour. he wanted a spider and a web on his face. this pic was taken about 2 seconds before the tears started flowing. did you know that it is not cool to have webs on your forehead? it's not. so 1 hour, $4 and a mad face painter later, we got a wet paper towel and wiped it all off.