So I've been home with the new babe now for 5 months. I was really nervous taking this much time off knowing it was entirely possible that I might not be able to do it but also knowing this was my only chance to try.

Before I had her, I made a list of goals. I mean they were just in my head because I am not a list maker but they were goals nonetheless. The simplest being to just keep up with Vivi's baby album and to start one for Brody (um, he's six). I was going to become a great cook & a baker. Try new things. Impress my family. I wanted my home to smell like freshly baked cookies by 3pm. I was going to take sewing classes (again, hmph.) so I could make sweet little dolls for Vivi instead of buying them. I wanted to make new mommy friends and do the things that mommy friends do. I wanted to join a gym and get my body back to where it was when I MET my husband (ha!). I wanted to go for lots of walks with our stupidly expensive celebrity-like stroller that I insisted on buying. I wanted to get up early and cook breakfast for Brody before our walks to school. I wanted to buy a juicer. To stop drinking coffee. To volunteer at church. To have weekly lunches and dinners with my friends. To take quick road trips to see my family. To keep up with the laundry and not have dirty dishes in the sink. To keep up with this little blog.

Have you seen that Target commercial for their Threshold line? -- Our House is a Very Very Very Fine  House -- basically that is what I wanted our home to be like. Professionally decorated, lovely aromas, butterflies randomly flying from room to room, bubbles overflowing out of the tub, clean and perfectly behaved kids, rainbows in the front yard and unicorns for pets. This didn't happen.

My house has been in a constant state of disaster. I didn't become a great baker or cook because somehow dinnertime always came before I could get to the grocery store. I never signed up for sewing classes because it was just one more thing to worry about. I didn't join a gym because I told myself that I would do pilates at home instead. I did it twice and told my husband that I didn't have the energy and it was his fault because he hadn't bought me a juicer yet. I did try going for walks with the babe in our celebrity-like stroller but I quickly realized it was really made for looking but not for walking. I made breakfast for Brody a couple of times but he looked at me like I was a crazy woman and asked for cereal. I didn't even try to kick my coffee addiction and IF I left the house, it was for Starbucks. Not only did I never volunteer at church but each Sunday I have given my husband a reason why we needed to stay home. I've been home to see my family only twice. And where did all this laundry come from?

But you know, it has been the best five months. I had put all these unrealistic expectations on myself because I thought I needed to justify not working for six months. Justify it to myself, I suppose. I knew in my heart though that I was taking the time off to simply love this baby. To hold her. To squeeze her. To kiss her little cheeks. To nibble on her little fingers. To rock her to sleep. To cuddle with her on the couch in her jammies and in my jammies for hours and not care. I KNEW this but I wouldn't admit it. "I am going to do all these things", I said. No, I wasn't. And no, I didn't.

The thing is we are so hard on ourselves. We are even harder on each other. Mommies, that is. Why are we so hard on each other? Cruel to each other, even.

You are a terrible Mom if you don't deliver naturally. If you don't feel the excruciating pain. If you tap out and beg for an epidural. If you end up having a c-section. If you can't breastfeed. If you complain that you are tired. If you want an hour alone. If you use your cell phone in front of your kids. If you put your baby in it's crib too soon. If you go back to work too soon. If you stay home too long. If you believe in Santa. If you don't believe in Santa. If your kids go to public school. If they go to private school. If you give vaccinations. If you don't give vaccinations.

I could go on. The point is, let's stop being so hard on each other and have this conversation instead.

You are a GREAT Mom because you welcomed your little blessing into this world. It doesn't matter if you delivered naturally, had an epidural, adopted, had a c-section, delivered at home, delivered at the hospital...what matters is that you did it. And when someone tells you that you did it wrong, it's ok to punch that person in the face. You have boobs and they might not work but who cares, boobs are good and your baby will be just fine. And if your husband says "but I want you to breastfeed!", then you tell him that when he grows a vagina and pushes out 9 pound baby himself then he gets to have an opinion. If you need some extra sleep that just means you have been rocking your beautiful baby at all hours of the night. If you find yourself crying in a fetal position on your bedroom floor, it's simply because you have discovered that you are no longer in control and you are GOING to cry. If you need an hour alone that just means you have dedicated the other 23 hours to your family. You are using your cell phone in front of your kids because you are looking up directions for the next park to go to, you are looking up their doctor's phone number, you're proudly posting a pic of them that you just took, you are texting their Grandma to tell her the funny things they just said, you are asking other parents to meet up to play, you are double checking what time soccer practice is (and baseball and football and ballet and that birthday party you forgot about), you are juggling a million things at once because you are a Mom and that's what we do. If someone says to you "but you just missed your daughter's first cartwheel"...politely let them know that it was actually her 101st cartwheel just that morning. (Trust us, we didn't miss it.) You are great because you have a baby and that in itself is a miracle.

So. Let us hold each other to a higher standard. A standard of grace. Not a standard of perfection. I promise to do this too. To you and to myself.

have i told you guys lately how much we love this baby?

vivi is the sweetest little thing. sometimes when i kiss her cheeks, i honestly think i am going to take a bite out of her. her daddy says "i know you love her but please don't eat my baby girl".

her birth certificate says her name is vivi. but that's only bc her real name didn't fit on it.

it's really Little Babooshka-Bow Wow Boomer, according to her brother that is.

but she usually just goes by sissy. to keep it simple and all.

i love this baby sling. they didn't have these things when i had brody. if she fusses, i can just stick her in this thing and she's all like "oh thank goodness, i'm back in the belly". i wish they came in bigger sizes though bc i need to stick the six year old in it too.

"i'm gonna just sleep all day and there is nothing you can do about it".

on this day, i tried to wake her up by talking to her. she slept through it. stripped her clothes off. slept through that. put her in her bathtub. IN the bathtub! in WATER! still slept.

so i gave up and just put her naked baby butt in her crib where sleeping babies belong. poor little thing. she just has it so rough.



so little babooshka bow wow is showing all the personality traits of her daddy. she is the calmest little baby. nothing upsets her. nothing makes her mad. she stares at everything like she is in a deep thought. if she does cry, it lasts 5 seconds and then she's happy again.

she doesn't even cry for food, she just frantically eats herself until we hear the sucking sound and make her a bottle. her dad does that too but luckily he just frantically eats candy until i make him some food.

and she is always curling her cute little toes just like her dad. genetics are crazy. i mean, which strand of her DNA says "you will curl your toes just like your father". 

yes, she is still sleeping. surprised? no?

and these bows!! i mean, seriously, they are ridiculous! 

my friends, you are so good.

this sweet boy needed you. and you were there. with no hesitation.

you have sent boxes full of supplies for him. 

we asked you for help and he started receiving packages the NEXT DAY.

you sent so many supplies that we had to delete items from his wish list and add new things.

and in just a few short days, his fundraiser has gone up to $1,200.

this sweet child is fighting pain everyday but today he feels your love. 

 

but we aren't done. 

we need to get his fundraiser to $5,000 in order to pay for his genetic testing.

to get there, we need you to SHARE his story.

for every person that has shared his story, at least ONE friend has donated.

and it adds up.

and if you personally cannot donate, it's ok!!! but share his story bc you know someone who can.

fundraiser:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/302424?c=home

wal-mart wish list:

http://www.walmart.com/giftregistry/gr_detail.do?registryId=80500073107

amazon wish list:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1WWWXOPX1EKP9/ref=cm_sw_su_w

(when checking out, choose below shipping address)

Teresa Spicer

Carrollton,GA

**for some, Amazon is really being a stinker. in case you need the address or zip code, it's below**
Teresa Spicer
252 Taylors Lane
Carrollton, GA 30117

gas cards:
*you can also help by sending gas cards! this will help mommy & daddy get eli to his doctor appointments.
mail to -
Teresa Spicer
252 Taylors Lane
Carrollton, GA 30117

brody started kindergarten this year.

something happened on the day he started kindergarten. like the school nurse lined them up and said "come here, kindergartners, take your kindergarten pill. you will be a completely different child by 3pm today" 

some of the symptoms have been -- do not let your mom know that you love her, do not let your mom kiss you, do not sit on your mom's lap anymore unless you are alone, do not tell your mom to hold you tighter unless you are in a dark room and no one can hear you, do not let your mom's hair get anywhere near your food, your plate or even your skin, start taking showers instead of baths and insist on being alone but also insist that mom not actually leave the bathroom, ask for a snack 50 gazillion times a day, start telling jokes about butts and farts or rather just say the word butt or fart and then laugh hysterically, be super strong and not afraid of anything but only between the hours of 7am and 8pm, start running around the house naked screaming "naked boy!, naked boy!", and insist that every argument can be settled with a sword battle.

brody is my honest kid. not that i have any others to compare him to since poor sissy can't even talk. but he really is painfully honest. he asked for a popsicle the other day. many many many times. and every time he had a carefully thought out reason about why he needed a popsicle.

"mom, i really think i need a popsicle because i think i hit my head on the wall when i was running and it will make me feel better."

"mom, can i please go get a popsicle because i have to pee really bad but i don't want to go pee."

"mom, can i get a popsicle because the last one i had was red and i really wanted a purple one but i forgot."

"mom, can i get a popsicle because i was watching scooby doo and i got a little bit afraid and now i need a popsicle."

it's just painful to watch. i really wish someone would just teach the poor kid to lie. i mean, why doesn't he just sneak into the kitchen, quietly sneak out a popsicle and eat it under the dining room table where i can't see him? i thought he would learn these techniques by now. i think i am going to have to teach him.

brody's friend, jack, sends us home with notes everyday. they are delicately ripped and then folded into teeeeeeny tiny super secretive notes hidden in brody's coat pockets. his number must begin with "913" although the first few times, i thought he was inviting us over for pie. brody and jack must discuss the notes at school bc although i have no idea what they say, brody can always explain. so far he has been invited to jack's house to run from girls, to chase girls and most recently, to go swimming on christmas eve. most of the time, however, he simply sends his phone number which is really long and usually both upside down and backwards. i guess jack got tired of brody never showing up though bc a couple weeks ago, i got a note that simply said "brody mom call jack mom". yesterday, i finally got a real note from his real mom and they are finally getting to have their real play date so they can chase girls, run from girls and go swimming even though jack doesn't really have a pool and it's the middle of winter.

brody is such a loyal friend to his entire class. that's one of the things that i love most about him. it gets him in trouble though bc he spends a lot of time talking during class. this morning on the way to school, i reminded him to listen to his teacher and not to talk to his friends if she is talking.

“but Mom, i don’t just talk about lord of the rings...i live the principles of friendship. i don’t even know why I get in trouble for being a chatterbox about friendship.”

so next time he gets sent to the safe seat, i guess he is just living out his principles.