so santa came...

but more importantly, so did anthropologie..


"mom, i had james when i was three, four and five. i'm gonna keep him forever. don't ever sell him, ok?"

i won't sell him. but i will indeed sell you if you keep acting up.

"mom, i think this chex mix is making me grow...?"

...as he stares at his arms in disbelief.

"i love cocoa puffs. i eat them at my mom's sister's house"

you mean aunt kristen?

"ya, her. the one that has my dogs and my sisters."

"when i get older, i want to change my name to josh."

so you can have all his legos?

"yes"

well before you make it legal, maybe just try asking him for some of the legos.

 

i pat-pat brody's little bum to wake him up this morning. then i walk away to get dressed while he has time to process that i just woke him (& james) up. i turn around and see him and james sit up at the same time. both with frazzled expressions and messy hair.

neither of them realizing that i am watching.

brody stares at james. james stares at brody. neither of them say a word. brody touches james beard. james touches brody's chin. brody turns his head sideways. james turns his head sideways. brody rubs his eyes. james rubs his eyes. james falls back over in exhaustion. brody falls back over on top of him.

finally they both get up but only after a few minutes worth of what seemed to be their own secret silent language.

james asked for one of dave ramsey's new books for christmas. he isn't getting it. i have a feeling that anything that dave ramsey writes would somehow negatively impact me.



my sister thinks the world is going to end next december. she has been watching too much history channel.

in the meantime, brody continues to love Jesus. he genuinely believes in him with a pure innocence that only a child can have. he uses it against us though...."mom, i can't wear this because i don't wear handsome clothes to church, God knows this and that is why he loves me so much". try to argue with that.

for the first time in my life, i have been praying too. i'm awkward at it. i just don't know how to pray. i hear people say things like "pray for me, i have a cold"...but that doesn't seem prayer worthy. and really? pretty sure having a cold is just part of life...do you really need a prayer to get over it? i mean, just take some nyquil.

so i have been trying to pray for things that seem worthy of prayer and seemingly it is either working or it is at least bringing me peace...which maybe is what prayer really is...a sense of peace, of comfort, of knowing something bigger than you will take care of something you are unequipped to take care of on your own? this morning i prayed and asked him to help me not punch my ex-husband in the face. by the time i got to work, he had sent an email that calmed me back down. the ex-husband sent the email. not God. God doesn't email. although wouldn't that be helpful? but moving on, i didn't punch him in the face. another answered prayer.

we decided we would cut down a real christmas tree this year. so we headed out to the tree farm.

brody was going to get to them via boat. i realize that would have made for a more memorable trip but there were no boats to be found.



he collected a pocket full of pinecones along the way. this little one was for me. "look mommy, it's an itty bitty baby pinecone for you...it's your wedding gift", said with this riduclously cute face.

an old, creaky bridge. little boy heaven.

sometimes his hugs are caught on camera.

"james, let me get on your shoulders to measure this one"

yep, it's two heads tall. let's chop it down.

and now he knows how to use a saw. oh dear lord.

this proud face is saying "i picked it out. i chopped it down. and i pushed it over."

on our way back home with a beautiful tree and a very tired boy with mismatched boots.

ps - I'm linking up over here, one of my favorite blogs. you can also get there on my side bar.

i've been at hy-vee for like 2 weeks. i hate grocery shopping. i mean. i really hate it. i like to cook but i want the ingredients to magically appear in front of me as i am cooking. i don't even like to look through the spice cabinet. instead, i yell for james. for real. i am that much of a brat.

anyhoo, i've been needing to make so many trips lately. i've been trying to sneak around the thanksgiving crowds by going at odd times. i've learned, however, there are no odd times at thanksgiving. and the odd times that aren't really that odd are the elderly plus me. bc they hang out there. and seemingly, so do i.

last week i helped one man find the leaf bags. we went all over that store trying to find them. he was so thankful. i have to wonder though as i watched him struggle around the store...how he was actually going to rake his yard? i almost offered my husband to him. not me, of course. remember? i don't even like to grocery shop. add to that, i don't like to rake leaves.

on a different trip, i found another lost one trying to locate grands buttermilk biscuits. after we found them, she giggled and blessed my heart. then asked a tall man to reach them for her. wha? i could've reached them.

yesterday, i made two new friends. one was in the refrigerated juice section looking for V8 so i walked him to aisle 11 to show him the 4' section of tomato juice.

the other was standing behind my overflowing cart of thanksgiving preparations with his bananas and strawberry shortcake. i couldn't let him wait on me but he insisted. his reasoning was "i have no where to go anyway and a whole day to waste". (my heart shattered). during the 10'ish minutes it took for them to scan and for me to pay, i found out that he is a widow, he has many grand kids, even great and great-great grand kids and he wasn't sure where he was spending thanksgiving (heart still shattering)...as i was on the verge of inviting him to ours, he said his great grandson had finally invited him the day before. so as he had started opening up, he then started flirting with my checker, rose. and rose blushed and flirted back. my heart started to mend for him bc now i just know they are getting married and he will always have someplace to go.

so i have fulfilled my volunteer work at hy-vee this week.

next time you see an elderly person with their head down, look them in the eyes and say hello. they are full of life & stories once you get them talking. and sadly, many of them are lonely. lonely by circumstance. not by choice. just step outside of your own world for 5 minutes and step inside someone else's. if you are as lucky as me, one of them will bless your heart.

dear santa, 

(wait, mom, say saint nick instead)

dear saint nick,

my name is brody. i am 5. i have not ever been bad. i never did stuff bad. i eat a good lunch at school.

can i have all the boxes of spongebob legos? can i please, saint nick? please can i have the whole spongebob town? the whole entire town?

i am a santa to a little boy. i sent him some toys because he does not have toys or good food to eat.

my cat is feisty. please can you bring my brother cat seven toys?

love,

brody benjamin

"mom say...

you missed me, you missed me, now you gotta kiss....

ummm. wait. don't say you gotta kiss me. say you gotta wrestle me. bc i don't know how to kiss"

brody is off to nebraska with his dad next weekend so this weekend we took a break from life and just had fun with each other. he has never been on a trip without me before...so next weekend, you can find me in a ditch crying.

we've spent so much time house hunting lately... for a newer, bigger home that we seemingly will never find. so we are on a break from the stress. and i am learning to be content in our little two bedroom home with no office for james. no office for james means the entire house is his office. the desk in the living room. the side tables. the coffee tables. the floor. the dining room table. everywhere. his explanation is "babe! i am trying to run a business out of this house". so we are trying to be content in our little two bedroom office home bc there is nothing but love here. and paperclips.

so moving on, this moose was really hungry. bro bro can tell you the names of any insects...but clearly we need to work on our warm-blooded mammals.

this pumpkin patch princess chased brody down to give him hugs & kisses. he tried to duck & run but she caught him. i think james was hoping for a kiss too bc he didn't run.

so the pumpkin princess was super sweet...

but...

my dear brody - if you ever bring a girl home that looks like this, it will not end well for you. your momma is nice but she's really judgmental. ok?

we waited in the face painting line for over an hour. he wanted a spider and a web on his face. this pic was taken about 2 seconds before the tears started flowing. did you know that it is not cool to have webs on your forehead? it's not. so 1 hour, $4 and a mad face painter later, we got a wet paper towel and wiped it all off.

james isn't gone from us much. rarely, i should say. if we are home, he is home. but last night he had to work late so bro & i were on our own from about 6pm until 9pm. no big deal. we were on our own for a long time before james and i sometimes still crave alone time with my little guy. it's the only time he will openly admit that he loves a girl, the only time he will sit on my lap and let me kiss & hug him without telling me to stop, the only time he feels free to tell me anything bc in his little mind there are no men or boys around to impress...it's just him and his momma.

after a nerf war, hide-n-seek, dinner, racing cars, a bath and another nerf war...we decided to spend some time working our left-handed ABCs. trying to write the capital ones and the lower case ones, trying to keep them in between the lines of the penmanship paper, trying to differentiate a lower case b and a lowercase d....

brody asked me where james was oh...about...100 times.

so james finally comes home.

after some hugs, brody tells him all about our night.

then he says "and i wrote a letter"

(i don't remember this, btw, i just remember a lower case i with no dot and and upside down m. or maybe that was a w in the wrong spot...)

"yep, i wrote a letter" he says...

it said

"i miss james"

a walkie talkie conversation...

mom, we are playing hide-n-seek and don't find me, ok?

ok

and don't look behind here, ok?

don't look behind where?

the white chair. do not look behind the white chair.

mom, can you hurry up? i need to get home.

i'm trying, bro, but i can't help the stop lights.

just pretend they are green and keep going.

we can't. it's illegal.

can you just tell God to make them all green?

dear God. please make all the lights turn green. amen.

it's all men. not amen. all men. all the men. all men.

no, it's amen.  not all men. you know what. you tell God.

ok. dear God. this car gives me a headache! all men

we choose to do small things with great love.



...like a picnic in the park instead of a huge meal.

...like skipping bath time and staying out past bedtime so we can play together.



...like being part of the fun instead of just watching the fun.

something he will remember.

something small.

but something great.

(ps - i am not sure it is fair for james to hide from us in a tree)

this morning resulted in tears as we walked into school with brody's jacket. he was begging me to leave his jacket in the car giving me every explanation possible. none of which i bought.

finally, in the hallway, he sat down and cried. "my friends will make fun of me because thomas the train is on my jacket...i need a jacket with a football on it."

after taking a big gulp and holding back my own tears as we stumble into a new world of being made fun of...i told him what any other mom would...

it's simple honey...when your friends make fun of you then you just gently knock them down and then kindly beat the hell out of them.

...so... what i really said was what my friend jodi taught me...you see she's a really, really, really good mom and she doesn't beat people up. except for that one time in college...

is thomas the train in your heart, brody?

yes

are footballs in your heart?

no

then it's ok to wear a jacket with thomas and you don't need the same jacket as your friends. you wear what is in your heart, ok? and your friends can wear what is in their hearts.

ok, mom. but i think thomas will be in my heart at home and footballs will be in my heart at school.

(sigh). ok, buddy. we'll get you a new jacket this weekend.

thou shalt not be a victim, thou shalt not be a perpetrator, but, above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.
-Yehuda Bauer

k-a-y....

no, mom, there isn't a y in kaylen.
cuh-cuh-cuh-aayyyyy-llll-ennnn
it's spelled k--l--n
cuh-cuh-cuh-aaaaaaa-luh-luh-luh-ennnnnnnnnnnnn
see, mom? no Y.
it's k--l--n

brody, you can't throw trash out the window! it's bad for our earth and the police will give us a ticket.

(we drive a few blocks. complete silence as he processes what just happened.)

mom, i won't do that again.

ok, buddy. i know you won't.

(pause. we drive a few blocks more.)

mom, can the police men hear everything we say?

no, only God can hear everything we say.

so the police can't hear me?

nope.

(pause. more thinking)

mom, can you tell God that i am sorry i did that and i won't do it ever again?

yes, i can tell him.

...and can you ask him to tell the police men that i am sorry and to not give me a ticket?

ok. i'll tell him.

mom, i mean right now, ok?

ohhh...like for real right now...ok.

"dear God. brody is really sorry that he littered. he did not know it is illegal and he will never do it again. please let the police men know so that they do not give him a ticket. amen."

thanks, mom.

source: http://www.lifemadelovely-blog.com/

spanx

that is not my body. and even if it were i would never wear those shoes. but it isn't. in case you didn't realize how short i am and thought for a moment that one of them might be me.

but i did wear spanx to work today for the first time. ever. it seems like everyone wears them. so i should too. right?

by mid-morning i could no longer breathe.
by noon they had broken one of my ribs.
by mid-afternoon the high waisted spanx had scrolled their way down to my lower waist creating what looked like a fat roll. but it was a fat spanx roll. pretty sure they are supposed to cover up fat rolls, right? not create them.

i don't have a conclusion to this. or advice. or even a point, really. i am just confused by it all.

bugs

there are bugs everywhere.

as we prepare for a very important day.

the day we have a 5 year old in the house.

a celebration of 5 years worth of boo boo kisses. 5 years of singing hush little baby. 5 years of of hearing mommymommymommymommymommymommy strung together as if it is one very long word. 5 years of goodnight squeezes. 5 years worth of a love we never knew before.

and my little helper watching over all these bugs.

mom and bro fridays



i get to stay home with my boy on fridays now.




we do what any other mom and boy would do.




we get dirty.




and live life.



an introduction to our home



this little guy watches over our worms all summer. we thank him by burying him alive in the snow in the winter.




a print in our bedroom. simple.




year #1 memory jar. not only do i love having these memories to look back on, i also love that we do not buy stuff or souvenirs. unless i absolutely love it or it is functional, then it is not in this home.




this may be my favorite item in our home. only i would love a seashell owl this much. but i just do for many reasons.




we bought 6 of these chairs for $20. six! the seats were in bad shape but for another $20 we made them pretty again.




this mirror belongs on a desk (below) but i split the two so it could happy up our mantle.





this chalkboard changes daily. today it is a to-do list for james, a green lantern drawing from brody and a note to bubba reminding him where to go potty. this little corner of our home is my favorite.
*i should also point out that if you look closely at the chalkboard door, james had erased some of his to-dos. he didn't actually do them, he just didn't expect me to take a photo of the door to then realize later that some of the to dos had been erased. busted. *

 


we bought this adirondack bench for $10. it was green, blah. james replaced a couple of the boards and i gave it a new coat of paint. it's perfect now. we also got 2 matching chairs for another $15 but they are hidden in the backyard bc i haven't painted them yet.




the other 1/2 of the mirror. this guy sits in our kitchen for no other reason than to be awesome.




where we were married. a reminder on our photo wall. not that we would forget. but it makes us smile.